This year, I did something I’ve never done before.
Declare a sabbatical without an end date, knowing that the end date might be quite far away.
It started in the summer.
And one of the things I noticed in the beginning was that I was feeling a profound fatigue around short-form content.
Weary to my bone of carousels and reels, emails and podcasts, being relentlessly mined for dopamine, and the illusion of having done something useful with one’s mind just floating in a sea of quickly churned out, and equally quickly forgotten output.
So, when I logged off from the world, it wasn’t even out of some lofty principle.
I was just following what I instinctively yearned for — the way a shark can smell blood from miles away, the way pregnant women are said to crave the food that contains the nutrition that their gestating fetuses need.
I needed words cooked slowly.
Slooooowly.
Perhaps even agonizingly slowly (I once had a friend who was a novelist. The time it took to birth a novel — agonizing indeed.)
To make up for the years I spent immersed in words, images and videos that took only minutes, or hours, to make. The fast food of creativity.
So I dove into a months-long marathon of doing almost nothing but reading novels.
More importantly, I’d traveled to the insides of extraordinary minds. Minds that were fully awake to the world, sensate equally to its brutality and its beauty.
Poverty.
War.
Partition.
Genocide.
Slavery.
The endless re-enactment of hatred and trauma.
And, threading through the midst of it all, impossibly — courage, love, kindness, tenderness, art, humanity.
These minds grabbed the thorniest, most uncomfortable questions of humanity by the throat, and stared into its eyes and refusing to look away, courting madness and fury.
These novels did not give me answers.
They did not prescribe a “how to” for how I ought to live the next chapter of my life, nor how to respond to a catastrophic world with my sanity and conscience intact — both of which I was subconsciously looking for.
But what they did, I feel, was restore my humanity.
They connected me back to the person I am, and always have been, outside of the professional roles I play.
Simone who looks. and keeps looking.
Simone who thinks and asks questions.
Simone who does not tire of searching.
That Simone is the most authentic Simone there is, and any identity of mine that is even a little bit more stable, poised, and reassuring than that is a lie.
These books also punctured giant gaping holes in the comfort of my former intellectual and ethical indolence. I found myself interrogating:
Why was I so content to communicate to my people through tiny Instagram squares and minutes-long videos?
Why was I so content to consume the same from others, and call it “learning” or “connection”?
What happened that I had become so comfortable conflating learning with entertainment, conversation with sound bites of conversation, and the sacred materiality of human togetherness with doing a bunch of clicking and swiping?
Had my thinking become so at ease with the conformity and shallowness that commerciality dictates, that I felt little inner tension with doing just that for years and years?
“If you’re ever going to go back to work, do it different,” I heard from within.
I need space where my thoughts can really stretch out without having to be cut up into squares.
I need space where my friends can read, and we can talk to each other without the interruption of constantly having to scroll left, and blinking notifications left and right.
So here we are.
An old-timey, 2006-style blog.
A blog is not the answer.
But it is a place where we can ask a hell of a lot of good questions.
Aurora Borealis in High Latitudes from the book William MacKenzie’s National Encyclopedia (1891)
For nearly 15 years, I’ve called myself a coach.
I have trained, taught, and yes, coached coaches.
For the longest time, I had the purest love for it.
And I am leaving this world behind.
I wanted to talk about why.
Let’s zoom out a little bit.
And take a look at historical context.
The whole field, and construct, of coaching couldn’t exist without psychology and psychotherapy having come first.
Coaching, like psychotherapy, is a complicated field.
It’s complicated because, in the Western world, these are often the only options someone has to get help when they’re in pain.
This is not a small thing. Because there is a lot of pain in the Western world.
And they couldn’t have survived this far if they didn’t sometimes work, and work vitally and profoundly.
I have said this before, and I am happy to repeat this: I credit people who call themselves coaches with saving my life. They really did. And I know I am far from alone.
Many therapists and coaches do literally life-saving work. (And many others don’t do much, and many others yet do quite the opposite.)
The fields of both therapy and coaching are sometimes self-selected into by people who are selfless, compassionate, and profoundly moved by the suffering of other humans. Other times, not so much.
Sometimes, the practitioners of therapy or coaching are incredibly skilled at their craft. Other times, not so much.
For many who are genuinely skilled, their dedication to it comes way before their desire for money or status, if they care for those things at all. I know both coaches and therapists who basically live like ascetics, and are content with their lives just helping people.
To make black & white generalization about either of these fields is difficult.
These fields do a lot of good. And they do some not-good.
Because I experienced firsthand so much of good in it, and met some of the most generous and kind-hearted people in it (including so many of my teachers, colleagues and clients), I carried the torch for it and defended it for as long as I did.
But over the past few years, it has become increasingly difficult to do so, as I learned more history, reflected on the realities of the world, and delved deeper into my own spiritual roots.
Doing even the smallest amount of research into the roots of Western psychiatry and psychotherapy is to be horrified by its racism, colonialism, and violence.
Perhaps even more horrifying to contemplate than the violence that is visible for all to see is the violence of what has been cleanly erased, exterminated, wiped off the map, to make for the advancement of these Western institutions.
What has been erased can’t make sounds.
(The sounds of my great-grandmother throwing a knife at the door to cast out wayward spirits. The sounds of grandmother rattling her shaman’s bells.)
It is from the “clean slate” of this erasure that the field of coaching is born, breathless with the promise of 20th century, Cold War-era, American capitalism:
YOU can get rich. YOU can be hot. YOU can be happy. YOU can hack your way out of aging, unhappiness, and loneliness.
All you need to do is to improve yourself. Let us show you how! Here’s where to make the deposit.
Both coaching and therapy were created, popularized, and represented — still — at the highest levels by white people (mostly men), in post-colonial, post-industrial times, growing in conjunction with capitalism, with the centers of intellectual influence coinciding with global centers of economic and military power (e.g.US, Western Europe.)
In the big scheme of things, I’m small fish, swimming in small waters. And from my view, I have come to see how this shows up in every crevice of what I could observe.
(1) The fact that there is almost no coaching “practice” that hasn’t been appropriated, multiple times over, from an indigenous tradition.
Borrowing and adaption between cultures is entirely normal and healthy.
An utter lack of acknowledgment or crediting because of the enormous power differential between cultures, no sense of right relationship, and no appropriate sense of how to be in relationship with lineage… is another.
Take, for example, the Eastern practice of “mindfulness” — the idea of observing your own thoughts from a neutral place. This was never, ever meant to be in service of individual happiness, productivity, and wealth. And in Eastern traditions, it was always, always grounded in the necessity of moral action and serving the needs of the community.
I could give a hundred other examples.
(2) The way that default coaching “goals” and aspirations fit so snugly with capitalist values that are destroying the Earth
The quickest and easiest possible accumulation of individual wealth, growth at all cost, the celebration of consumerism, individual happiness (an oxymoron), what I call the “Amazon Next Day Delivery” approach to inner peace and contentment…
… a compartmentalized vision of “wellness”, productivity, an ideal of physical beauty that Hitler would salivate over (Aryan-blonde, blue-eyed, slim, youthful and fertile)…
(3) And, as a corollary, a pathological avoidance of things that are decidedly NOT capitalism-friendly
Slowness, aging, pain, illness, decay, illness, loss, darkness, silence, liminality — all things that were honored, and considered to contain inherent value and wisdom by Indigenous traditions.
(4) The fact that the vast majority of coaching businesses do not even make passing references to systemic and collective issues, and, in fact, go out of their way to avoid them.
Because it’s “unprofessional.” “Irrelevant.” “Low vibrations.” “Divisive.”
And, ultimately, “bad for business.”
(5) The dire lack of eldership — despite the overabundance of self-professed “experts.”
All of the above contribute to an environment in which enormous sum of money are always being cycled through while the collective is, somehow, becoming more and more impoverished both materially and spiritually.
There was a moment when I clearly saw that the work of “redeeming” or “changing the system from the inside” was an illusion.
That’s when I knew: I was out.
… human interdependence and cooperation, rather than individualism and commodification must be at the heart of the psychology of liberation, which should be about empowering people to change institutions and radically transform social structures, rather than adjusting and submitting to the status quo while making a profit. — Hamza Hamouchene
A friend asked me what I would call myself, if I am no longer calling myself a coach of any kind.
My answer was simple; HUMAN.
Because, that, I am.
You may call me teacher, as I intend to go on teaching. Oh, there is so much to teach.
If you still want to call me a coach, that is okay, too. I am not offended. It is a name I was proud to go by for many years, and I am okay to still be called it. It is part of my makeup and lineage.
If you want to know what self-cultivation and healing looks like outside of the broken cultures and institutions of the Western world, read books by people like Malidona Patrice Somé, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Thich Nhat Hanh, Robin Wall Kimmerer, Tyson Yunkaporta, Cole Arthur Riley, Tricia Hersey, Tamela J. Gordon.
The list could be miles and miles long. These are some names I could throw off the top of my head, just the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg.
There’s no moral purity here.
I collude with white supremacy and capitalism by virtue of being alive in 2024, despite ongoing experiments to more responsibly steward what I can.
We’re all wrestling with complicated history and constructs and doing our best.
There are coaches of color doing groundbreaking work, and white coaches who are actually radical activists in disguise, doing some of the most courageous work I know. (I bow down to you.)
Coach, Schmoach, whatever… these are just words.
We will be known by the seeds we sow in the world, not what it says on our business card (or, nowadays, Instagram bio, I guess).
Whatever you call yourself, I don’t care.
If you take the time to hang out with me, read my words, and find my thinking useful, I am grateful to you. And you are warmly welcome in my world, always.
Outside of that + my company’s basic operating costs, I’m donating the rest of our profits.
Here’s why I’m making this decision.
For the second half of this year, I’ve been taking sabbatical. And I’ve had the opportunity to do nothing but to think deeply.
And one of the realizations I’ve arrived at is this: we can live in either one of two modes: what I call the “hungry ghost” mode, or in spiritual wholeness.
Hungry ghost
“Hungry ghost” is a term that comes from Buddhism and Chinese folks religion.
The way I use this term colloquially, I am referring to a way of being that says: more, more, more, more. Never enough.
It is animated by an insatiable, ever-deepening gnawing existential void inside that nothing can fill.
The void plays host to an endless array of addictions — to more work, more money, more “growth”, more popularity, more comfort, more convenience, more entertainment, more dopamine, more adrenaline, more power.
More more more more more.
And, paradoxically, even when you accumulate and hoard more and more, the void doesn’t actually get filled. It somehow gets deeper, darker, more terrifying.
So then the addiction becomes even more frenzied. So then you get even more addicted to the chase. Then the void grows even deeper. And so on it goes…
In Buddhism, hungry ghosts, or pretas, are beings who are tormented by desire that can never be sated. (source)
The void is the very engine of consumerism (and so much of “business growth”).
The bigger the people’s void, the more they consume (and “work” a lot of the time), and the more alienated they grow from their own souls, and disconnected they become from everything life-giving, connective, and sacred.
Hungry ghost syndrome is not new to humanity — insatiable greed has always existed — but it has been inflamed to grotesque proportions and normalized amongst the populace to a terrifying degree thanks to capitalism.
Spiritual wholeness
The alternative to “hungry ghost” syndrome is spiritual wholeness.
You can have one, or the other. But not both. And there is nothing in between. No such thing as a middle ground. Pick one.
Spiritual wholeness is the opposite of the perpetual state of addiction that attempts to fill the void within. Consumerism, addiction, and alienation meet their end in spiritual wholeness.
The critical ingredient to spiritual wholeness that indigenous wisdom traditions have known for all ages, all over the world, is right relationship.
Right relationship with ourselves, our communities, with non-human living beings, with the Earth, and with unseen energies.
Right relationship with knowledge, money and material things (not “possessions,” since Buddhism teaches me that there is no such thing).
Right relationship between two beings requires attention, respect, and balance.
And one thing I have come to reflect on deeply is that excess is antithetical to right relationship.
What is enough — the opposite of excess?
What does it mean to steward (not “own”) enoughness?
Enoughness is not a fixed state.
What is enough for a healthy person is not the same as what is enough for a sick person. What is enough for an infant is not the same as what is enoughs for a teenager, which is not the same as what is enough for an elderly person. What is enough in a state of crisis is not the same as what is enough in a state of calm.
So it is a dynamic, moving idea.
And yet… we must never cease asking, “what is a balance that constitutes enoughness? And how do we meet it wisely?”
Otherwise, we cease to be in right relationship.
So, in 2025, I decided to enter into an experiment.
I call it an experiment, because everything is an experiment.
We try things, we learn and grow from them, and we try things differently, better — hopefully — based on the new knowledge we’ll glean. I don’t know what I’ll learn from this upcoming experiment that will make future experiments different.
But for now, here is what I am committed to.
I am taking a fixed salary.
It is a salary that will allow my family to live comfortably.
Not extravagantly, but with all of our basic needs AND many comforts met, while allowing us to save some for our future, while also allowing us to exercise a bit of generosity in our private lives.
(And no, I’m not sharing this number — on purpose. I have no problem sharing numbers.
But I feel that, once the number is known, it becomes distracting. Some may think it’s too much, some may think it’s too little, and more importantly, it may, for many, unconsciously become a kind of cutoff line at which people are “allowed to” make similar decisions. And none of that is useful, because the number itself is not the point.
The “enoughness” number will be different for everyone, and it will be different even for me at different stages of my life.)
My company also has ongoing expenses. My team members need to be paid, and there are tech expenses, taxes, etc.
And if we have profits on top of that — and I’m honestly not sure how much of them we’ll have, given that I’m also intending to move at a much slower pace and making significant changes to my business, leaving behind many features that used to reliably bring in “big money” — I intend to donate them to nonprofit organizations that support decolonization and climate justice.
I thought long and hard about whether to talk about this publicly at all.
Because, at the end, I’m not doing this for anyone but for myself. (Remember the whole thing about spiritual health? It’s MY spiritual health I’m choosing.)
But ultimately, I chose to speak about it publicly, because I don’t think I would’ve thought to move in this direction if it weren’t for indigenous, Confucian, Taoist and Buddhist teachers of mine who shared wisdom and stories of their own lives and lineages that exemplified what it means to live in right relationship, away from capitalism’s dictates.
And I think that matters — sharing of stories. If it could support and embolden at least one other person to move in similar directions, I would be very happy.
This is an uncertain and perilous time for many across the world.
The more of us there are who are connected to the health of our spirits, the better hope we have of creating a world that is safe for our descendants to inhabit.
There’s a poison that kills your ability to grow, achieve your goals, and do good in the world…
… that I see almost no one talking about.
“Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can” – Arthur Ashe
In order for this quote to have full impact, I need to give the corollary.
Don’t try to start from somewhere other than where you are.
Don’t try to make use of resources you don’t have.
Don’t try to do something you don’t know how to do.
This is SORELY underrated wisdom. In fact, our culture currently encourages AGAINST it.
Making $500 a month now? Why not go for six figs and try to quit your job next month? Why not you?
Shoot for the moon and land among the stars!
Want to make mental healthcare accessible to all who need it?
Sure, invest all your hopes and dreams and 401K in a national network of care providers, even though you’re behind on bills, have little organizing experience, and even less marketing skills.
Heartbroken about genocide happening in a continent you’ve never been to? Why not try to figure out how to end it NOW, even though the brightest minds who are native to the region have dedicated their lives to peace have failed for decades?
This isn’t a call for pessimism or resignation. This isn’t me saying, “sit down and be realistic.” Fuck that.
Instead, this is a call to be awake to our tendency to hold ourselves up to impossible, ill-informed standards buoyed only by the kind optimism that has never been tested by reality. The same kind that political opportunists and marketing hucksters are always gleeful to take advantage of.
Hear me. It is NOT a cop out or a laziness to “start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.”
In fact, it is often the shrewdest, most courageous, sensible and HELPFUL thing you can do.
(Ever have an intern with zero experience come into your office? It takes way more work to TRAIN them before they can be useful in any way. Don’t be that intern to your own project.)
Do your research. Chances are, there are people who are better-resourced already doing something similar.
This doesn’t mean you should be discouraged. Learn from them. They can help you. In a community effort, there are no lone heroes.
Instead of jumping off a cliff and saying a Hail Mary, test out a small, workable version of your vision.
Learn from it and iterate.
Never, ever compare your work to those with bigger budgets and platforms.
Arthur Ashe’s words REQUIRE you to believe in the honor and dignity of your role, wherever you are.
I wouldn’t do shit with my money and so-called “platform” if I were over here comparing myself to Mackenzie freaking Scott.
Compared to the the “all or nothing”, “be the sole hero” approach, the “Starting where you are, using what you have, doing what you can” approach allows you to:
(1) cultivate an awareness of your current strengths and weaknesses,
(2) build capacity and learn what you need to know as you go,
and
(3) develop a sustainable infrastructure and the endurance you need in order to achieve your goals in the long run. (Critical.)
“I need to figure it all out and do it all NOW” is a disease of toxic, individualist capitalism.
It is more of a manifestation of our collective neurosis than it is a genuine statement of moral conviction.
It is also the principal disruptor of sustainable and equitable processes that can win at the end.
Whether your goal is building a community-nourishing business or fighting the climate crisis, keep Arthur Ashe’s words close to your heart.
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
Not turned on by the prospects of earning millions (other than thinking not worrying about money would be nice)… or being on TV, and making headlines?
You’re not broken, or destined for “mediocrity”.
You know, I think our society has a very warped relationship with the idea of ambition.
The only form of ambition it glorifies is one that concerns (1) money, (2) worldly status, and (3) the individual.
That has many people who DO seek ambition ending up lonely, feeling empty and burnt out, with broken homes… and at worst, do harm to the communities around them.
So let’s look at how much more multidimensional the ambition can be.
One form of ambition is RELATIONAL.
How rich are you in relationships? Yeah, a lot of people know you, but how many people know you?
How much closeness do you enjoy, and with how many people?
A relationally ambitious person doesn’t stop at transactional and surface relationships. They invest in depth and intimacy. They know how, they keep learning how to be even better at it, and they reap the rewards.
Another form of ambition is CREATIVE.
We are all creative — even if your thing isn’t what is conventionally considered “art”.
A creatively ambitious person makes stuff as a response to their own aliveness, vs. to please an audience, or to fulfill the demands of capitalism.
How much of your time do you spend making stuff, just for the fun of it, just because you’re responding to an impulse inside of you? (There are enormously “successful” “artists” who haven’t created for the fun of it in a loooong time. They haven’t been creatively ambitious because they’ve been too busy feeding the “success machine.”)
Another form of ambition is DOMESTIC.
There are people for whom a lovingly-tended, beautiful and happy home is the ultimate and highest form of wealth. My mom is such a person.
Home-making isn’t something the patriarchy “forced” her to do. It is a sacred vocation that makes her come alive more than anything else, and this is true for many people — of all genders.
For a domestically ambitious person, a home is their church, their workplace AND playspace, their exhibit, and their sanctuary.
Another form of ambition is SPIRITUAL.
Elon Musk might have won the “worldly ambition” game.
But a monk you’ve never heard of who’s been silently meditating in a cave in the Himalayas for the past 15 years — and finds the ultimate meaning and fulfillment in that — takes the cake when it comes to spiritual ambition.
Spiritual ambition seeks communion with the transcendent, the divine.
Another form of ambition is SERVICE.
People who seek to help others and drive change in the world because they derive meaning and fulfillment in that, in and of itself, regardless of what comes back to them, are ambitious in terms of service.That’s pretty self-explanatory, right?
The last form of ambition is the ambition for SPACIOUSNESS.
There are people — and cultures, even — that find the highest fulfillment in… well, not doing a whole lot.
They do NOT see the validation of identity or purpose in WORK.
Dolce far niente. Leisureliness. Insouciance. The space to wonder, wander, dream, nap, and simply BE.
***An important note I want to make is that (1) I literally just thought of these, so this is not some kind of absolute or exhaustive list (feel free to think of your own list!) and (2) these are, obviously, NOT mutually exclusive.It’s not like you have to choose between the binaries of “worldly” vs “spiritual”…
… though, in terms of the constraints of 3D space and time, we sometimes have to make tradeoffs. (For example, you can’t paint AND build refugee camps at the exact same time!)
I believe that each of us has every single types of ambition — in different amounts — inside of us.
And we are called to make choices that best express and fulfill our inner ambitions, even with the aforementioned 3D constraints.
I share this with the hope that it gives you a sense of relief and validation that your desires and yearnings matter and are worth pursuing…… even if they don’t conform to individualistic and capitalistic ideals.
Well, first, I google ways to disappear to a remote, uninhabited island where no human being can ever find me again.
Then, I take long, trembling breaths to keep my body from spontaneously exploding from the 826373-degree heat of shame.
Then I cry for a week and ask my husband 539 times to reassure me that I’m not an unlovable gargoyle.
Well, I’m exaggerating… but not by much.
All that’s to tell you this: I’m NOT some kind of sturdy beacon of confidence.
I have hella anxiety and rejection sensitivity, and if I can make lots of big bold cold pitches — and reap the rewards — SO CAN YOU.
Here are some things that help… I’ve had a lot of practice.
(1) Remind yourself that you and whoever you’re pitching are EQUALS.
I don’t care if they’re the President of the World. They’re not above you. They are not your Master or Overlord or God.
They are just a human being who farts and burps and has weird rashes and secret insecurities and are trying to figure their shit out, one day at a time.
(The above is true of even the most successful and confident person you can think of.)
And you’re not “below” them. You are a precious child of God, a one-in-8-billion spark of creation, the carrier of sacred soul mission and a unique medicine.
Know this. Feel this. Remember this.
(2) Know this: cold pitching — of the kind where you’re truly answering your dreamiest, squishiest desires — isn’t really about getting the “yes.”
Even though that’s the game we’re pretending to play, it’s actually for the relationship between you and your soul.
Something magical gets activated when you say, “Oh, what the hell, I’m just gonna ask them.”
EVEN IF all you get at first is a string of “no’s”…. I promise you that the mere act of asking will change your brain. It will change your posture. It will change your aura. It will even give your skin a new glow. (don’t ask me how it works… it just does.)
It will make the quantum field around you re-arrange itself around your desires.
And it will hugely expand your nervous system capacity to receive good things (appreciation, praise, money, etc) — and actually hold onto them.
THAT’S the magic.
And it is worth e-very-thing.
Look. I’m not gonna pretend like it’s easy to have a rejection-sensitive brain. (Studies show it often comes with ADHD. Sigh… wouldn’t I know it!)
It’s not. There will be emotional rollercoasters. There might be times when you’ll need to call your bestie to ask them to reassure you that you are not, in fact, an unlovable gargoyle.
But I also want to tell you this: you are worth it.
You’re worth that collaboration with the writer who changed your life, whom you’ve been admiring for the past 5 years.
You’re worth an audience of millions.
You’re worth the magazine feature.
You’re worth selling out your retreat.
Your work is worth it. What God planted inside you is worth it.
And rejection sensitivity is just a symptom of your extraordinary empathy and superior powers of perception…
… NOT a life sentence dooming you to smallness.
You can do this, and we want to show you how.
Our, Cold Pitch Magic, is in just two days…. and what my co-teacher Sam Garcia and I have got planned for you is truly, honest-to-God, life-changing.
Bring all of you.
And we’ve got the rest covered: the A-to-Z of how to make heart-centered, relationship-centering cold pitches that lead to quantum leaps in your life and business.
What to ask for, whom to ask, and how to ask to maximize that magical expansion thing I’m talking about…. we’re giving you ALL of it.
Feeling a little nauseated after a little harmless “let me just check how much engagement my last post got”…. turned into a 3-hour daze of mindless scrolling? AGAIN?
When you could’ve gone for a walk, organized your pantry, or practiced for your upcoming lipsync battle?
Well, guess what, I came up with an actual social media-free marketing strategy for you!
Yes. One that will actually work.
Due to the limitations of space and time, I cannot create a customized strategy for every single person reading this email….
… but I came up with a strategy for, say, a relationship coach.
If you’re not a relationship coach — which most of you aren’t — use your critical thinking skills and extrapolate how you can apply a similar process to YOUR thing, OKAY??
Y’all are a SMART BUNCH. I trust you.
Let’s go.
1 .Pitch yourself on bigger podcasts… that aren’t a competition.
If you’re a relationship coach, don’t just limit yourself to trying to get on bigger coach-y, relationship-y podcasts.
Sure, some of them might be interested… but they’re probably talking about similar things that you are, so you’re technically kinda in “competition” with each other. (Competition in quotes because I don’t actually believe in competition… but you know what I mean.)
Instead… think like this. In terms of your personal life…. are you into lifting weights?
Great. Pitch your favorite fitness podcasts to bring you on board to talk about strategies for getting healthier and stronger with your sweetie, even if your partner doesn’t seem to be into it. Strengthen your bod AND your relationship!
(Never even thought about that? Well, think about it now!)
Are you into celebrity gossip?
Pitch yourself as a relationship expert to pop culture podcasts so you can talk about the unique way YOU see the problems with Ben Affleck + J Lo’s marriage… and how you think they could mend it. (Or why you think it’s doomed!)
2. Pitch yourself to editors and blogs.
Write down those super-interesting expert thoughts on Bennifer’s marriage, turn it into an article, and pitch editors of online publications, or blogs that get a lot of traffic.
Now you’re a relationship expert, as featured on ___!!!
(Are you seeing the strategy here? Don’t just think about what you always think about… notice what other people are paying attention to, and get creative about finding the Venn diagram intersection!)
3. Pitch yourself to companies.
Find companies that seem value-aligned with you.
And pitch yourself to be featured as part of corporate wellness events. Offer to do a talk on creating healthy relationships, both at home AND at the workplace.
Whatever your ‘thing’ is, never underestimate the diversity of places where people might find it useful.
4. Pitch yourself to conferences.
There are specific conferences happening all the time OUTSIDE of your niche: nutrition, women’s empowerment, mental health, spiritual healing, sustainability, environmental activism…
What are YOU into? Let’s say, you really care about environmental activism.
Find an angle where your relationship expertise can bring unique value, such as… how you can 5x the impact of environmental activism by doing it as a team effort with your partner — and as a bonus, how that can strengthen your relationship, as well!
And then pitch yourself as a featured speaker, or to lead a session.
5. If you know someone who is well-connected, approach them with GENEROSITY.
Let’s say, your friend from college is big in the PR world. Or your cousin is a knitting influencer on Youtube, and knows a lot of other influencers.
You like them, and they like you.
Instead of saying, “hey, can you hook me up for me so I can get more business?”, approach them with a GIFT that they can take up or not, no strings attached.
Like… you “gift” them free relationship coaching sessions with you, except, tell them to gift them to others in their world who could use it.
They can tell their people, “Hey, here’s a voucher for a free relationship coaching session with my friend Ethel. It’s my gift to you — she gifted a limited number of them to me to offer it to people who could really use it, because everyone could use a little support once in a while. She’s amazing and there are no strings attached.”
Then they go out and float your name and expertise in rooms that you never would have reached on your own. And some of the people who take them up on the free sessions might (1) tell their people about you, or (2) feature you in something, or (3) become paying clients.
—
Inspired? Bubbling up with ideas that will work for YOU?
Amazing!
Now, here are some questions you might have.
“How do I write those pitches well, so they don’t drop to the bottom of the pile and actually get read and responded to?”
We got your back!! Come join Sam Garcia and me in our upcoming class, Cold Pitch Magic, and we are going to teach you the exact step-by-step.
“That sounds scary!!!”
Let’s be real, it IS! We will never pretend it isn’t scary.
But, come on… you wanted an alternative to posting and posting and posting to what feels like a giant fucking VOID on social media, hoping and praying the algorithm gods smile upon you one day, right?
If you want real results but don’t want to do it that way, something’s gotta give. You gotta put on your Big Human Panties, and make the asks.
It sure helps if you know how to do it in a value-aligned, heart-centered way. We’ll teach you how inside Cold Pitch Magic.
“What if I can’t immediately think of what podcast or people or publications to pitch to?”
We hear you! This is super normal, since not everyone is super well-connected.
You do have do some research… but Sam and I will show you different ways to do so.
NOW, ONTO THE DISCLAIMERS.
Cold Pitch Magic is NOT a shortcut that doesn’t involve effort. It will require thoughtfulness and some elbow grease.
And none of this is an overnight miracle.
The biggest and juiciest opportunities will find you when you’re committed and persistent enough to play the long game.
But I can assure you that (1) YOU ARE WORTH IT. What is inside you is worth it.
And (2) it is a helluva lot faster way to land big opportunities and big audiences than passively posting posting posting on social media, and hoping for the best.
And we got receipts to prove it.
Ready to get in on this magic?
Join us for Cold Pitch Magic, a 2-hour class that finally enable you to break up with social media… or allow you to DIVERSIFY your game, so that you no longer feel at the mercy of Zuckerberg.
The year was 2014. While all the other dudes were covered in plaid, skinny jeans and beanies, this guy wore **bespoke Italian suits**.
He read philosophy and knew wine. Had the sad poet’s eyes that makes me go weak at the knees.
Jonah was so dang cute. And DEFINITELY flirting with me.
I was actually kind of mystified that he wasn’t asking me out. Like… “what the hell dude? i saw the way you look at me!”
I remember thinking… What if he’s just shy and we are meant to make babies and live happily ever after and NONE OF IT HAPPENED BECAUSE BOTH OF US WERE TOO CHICKEN TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE?!
Normally, I’m not the kind of person to make the first move. EVER.
I like to be *~pursued~*
But that time, something came over me. I thought to myself, “you know what? This time, I’m gonna do something out of character. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.”
So I said fuck it, took a big breath, and texted him…. “Hey, would you want to get dinner sometime?”
Cue heart palpitations!
He immediately texted back (yay!) but his response wasn’t what I was hoping for (boo!!) : “Aw man, I’d love to… but I have to be transparent with you, I do have a girlfriend”.
Womp womp womp!
But here’s the weird thing.
I remember walking home from work when I got that text… and guess what? Surprisingly, I didn’t feel terrible like I fully expected to.
I actually felt… kinda…. empowered? A little badass?
Like I’m no longer a little helpless damsel in distress waiting to be found and pursued.
Like I can ask for what I want. Even when it’s a guy.
And the world doesn’t end if I get a “no” and what really matters is that I BECOME THE KIND OF WOMAN WHO CAN ASK FOR THINGS.
Now, Jonah didn’t end up being my Forever Dude (thankfully, so he could make way for Panda Dad…
… but Being an Asker became a forever trait inside me. And that has been 1000000000000000x more valuable.
Because you know what? Life IS too short. And you’re no damsel in distress, waiting for rescue.
So… let me ask you. What makes YOU go weak at the knees? What opportunity is “flirting” with you?
Consider this a sign from the universe to go ask for it.
Ask for the sale.
Ask for the guest spot.
Ask for the stage.
Ask for the donation.
Then ask again. Ask bigger. Ask bolder.
If you’re making big and bold enough asks, you’ll get told “no” a lot. So freaking what?
Here’s what people don’t often realize about pitching yourself: what you’re really buying with all the asks is NOT other people’s “yes,” but SELF-RESPECT.
The self-respect of someone whose courage is bigger than their fear…. who leaps into the unknown because they know they’re their own damn knight in shining armor.
That’s the real prize.
And that self-respect…. tastes like *chef’s kiss*.
Better than Oprah personally declaring that you’re the most brilliant person she’s ever met…
… or better than a billion dollars or the roar of a stadium full of fans.
Sam Garcia and I are teaching a 2-hour class called Cold Pitch Magic on June 20th.
It’s $45.
Join us because, YES, we’re spilling the beans on exactly what goes into cold pitches that open hearts, wallets, and doors.
But equally important to us — if not more important — is that you’ll learn how to fast-track SPIRITUAL CONGRUENCE. The kind you feel when you’re taking bold action on your truest and squishiest dreams.
You’ll fall so much more deeply in love with yourself, and your life will feel so much more like yours.
P.S. — About Jonah… it turned out later that he was kind of a man whore — hence all the flirting with me while he had a girlfriend — and I dodged a huge bullet.
Just so you know… some no’s are definitely the universe protecting you on your way to get something much better! lol
Imagine writing someone who has no idea who you are…
… and a week later, you land a 5-figure contract with them.
That’s what Sam Garcia pulled off. With me.
That was 4 years ago, and hiring her remains one of the best decisions I ever made. She’s the best, and I thank God everyday that she was brave enough to pitch me.
So I asked her: “how do you do that thing you do?”
Sam told me all about her unique philosophy and process for cold pitching (and how much money it’s made her over the years — hint: it’s a LOT), and I was like “okay, this is GOLD and the world needs to know this YESTERDAY”.
So we decided to get together and do a one-time class called Cold Pitch Magic on June 20th. We thought it’d be fun.
And… you know what?
I changed my mind about why I REALLY want to do this.
And it’s not that the original reason doesn’t matter anymore. It really does.
But what has become even more pressing for me is that social media is a fucking dumpster fire.
People are fucking sick and tired to death of churning out “content”, feeling like they’re speaking into a void and hoping the fickle algorithm gods grant favor on them one day.
Meanwhile, your feed is a post-apocalyptic landfill of shallow, formulaic, dopamine-optimized noise. You’re no longer interacting with humans (remember Instagram circa 2012?). All you’re seeing is brands and A.I.-fortified “growth” strategies shoved endlessly down your throat.
But the terrible thing about social media is that people hate it AND they feel like they can’t leave.
So many folks tell me: “I don’t know what else to do! How else am I gonna get business?”
Well… here’s the thing. There IS an answer.
You get off social media. And talk to people who can hire you, refer you, or put you on a platform.
(Remember how it used to work… before Zuck colonized the world?)
Not churning out “content” to the ethers and hoping and waiting for someone to notice. But actually talking to another human being who can give you an advantage, a sale, a job, or a connection.
Especially if they don’t already know you. Because if your existing network of people who know you and love you were just going to hand you amazing opportunities on a platter… they would have already.
You need to know how to approach someone gracefully, and ask them for things in a way that leaves both parties feeling good, honored and dignified by the exchange and creates an opening for an aligned relationship, regardless of what the outcome is.
Because, let’s face it, sometimes the answer will be a “no”. But that “no” can absolutely bloom into something else later. It’s about genuine human connections, not using people as a means to an end.
THIS is the art of cold pitching done well, and THIS is what’s going to build your business without social media. Without this skill, if you don’t want to be on social media, you got nothing. I’m going to go as far as to say…. you’re kind of fucked.
Having these relational skills…. It’s everything. Everything. Not just for business. But for good human-ing in general.
Still squirming at the idea of cold pitching?
Want to avoid having to pitch folks 1:1 completely? Want to go on podcasts and give talks instead?
Awesome. I want you to do that. But how are you gonna get on podcast, or on that speaking stage, or be featured in that room — without talking to people first? You have to pitch yourself to land those platforms in the first place.
You can do this. And you can do it in a way that feels beautiful to your spirit AND have it actually work.
We’ve worked out the entire “how” — and got plenty of receipts to prove that this works.
So that’s why we’re really teaching this class.
Sam is a genius and a gem if you don’t know her work well yet, you will.
A note from my partner-in-crime Sam Garcia, that I want to share with you…
(This is all Sam, below ↓ )
A lot of people don’t know that I grew my business without social media.
I even hired my first full-time team member before having an “audience.”
I transitioned from “marketing freelancer” to “marketing agency owner” pretty seamlessly thanks to one simple email.
Properly timed.
Properly worded.
And beyond that… with my heart on my sleeve.
I know it’s “cool” to have thousands, or tens of thousands (or way more!!) people publicly declaring their approval of your work via that simple IG follow…
…to the point where people assign it as an indicator of success.
But it is NOT necessary for the business or impact you want.
Back to that email…
Almost a decade ago now I sent that email — the one that changed the entire trajectory of my entire career.
It was to someone I DREAMED of working with. Like, #1 person of all people I wanted to work with.
She had created an online course that changed my life. She was brilliant, funny, with a truly unique perspective of life as a whole.
And she said yes.
She said yes to a follow up call.
And then yes to the proposal I sent.
And we kept working together for years.
That one email opened so many doors.
To collaborations. To new clients. To me being able to hire people + raise my rates again and again.
It even allowed me the time freedom to build an “audience” over time, in alignment with my longer term goals.
This is the magic of a cold pitch, done right.
Cold pitches get a lot of flack. UNDERSTANDABLY.
Most cold pitches are like a guy at a bar asking out anything that moves. He doesn’t care about you – he just has 1 result he wants in mind.
But cold pitches – to the right people (people you yearn in your heart of hearts to work with), with the right prep and intentions and wording – can change the entire trajectory of your business.
They’re like portals to an entirely different reality.
On June 20, Simone Seol & I are leading a 2-hour workshop, called Cold Pitch Magic.
Cold pitches work for getting dream clients, securing dream jobs, fundraising for causes, getting free stuff, landing dream collaborations, selling your art, and so many other ways.
