Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: [Referring to the Mini Truth or Dare challenge] Why going live instead of record a video and publish? Because it allows no retake? And do you plan it ahead and ask your followers to come?
Ahhhhh I’m still taking “live” so seriously! I guess I’m just so embarrassed no one would show up. Or I’m very annoyed by ppl constantly popping in and out (I’m afraid that way no one gets anything “valuble”)
(that’s also my biggest resistance to go live, as if ppl should spend a solid chunk of undisturbed time in order to get the best of my stuff. I hated people scrolling and multitasking!)
Omg this challenge exposes so many of my long-have fears! Thanks as always Simone.
Simone: Most lives I have done in the earlier stage of my business, no one showed up. Maybe one or two people, drifting in and out. Even now when I do lives, people are constantly in and out. Very few people stick around for the whole thing.
The question is: are you going to prioritize how OTHERS show up, or whether YOU show up? What are you going to make important? Because guess what? When you make whether YOU show up more important, everything about your business changes. 🙂
You got this!
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: Hi Simone, how would you approach Truth or Dare when I am trying to help someone with chronic symptoms or help them put into remission… Sometimes giving them the unfiltered truth of what happens when they don’t take action or show up can sound really rude…
Because I feel it kind of ends up inducing fear rather than empowerment (depending on how it’s perceived), but at the same time I also want to keep in mind that they are humans going through this experience and trying to navigate it. My approach (even with clients) is compassionate, but sometimes I feel it might not be serving them. Thoughts?
Simone: Tell me what the difference is between being compassionate and being nice?
Questioner: Good question. When I say being compassionate, I want them to know that I understand what they are going through – their pain, struggles, symptoms etc.
Being nice is perhaps trying to please them …and not say something for the risk of offending them … because they might not want to hear it.
I think the problem is sometimes the lines between the 2 are blurred in my approach lol That’s a lightbulb moment. I don’t know where to draw the line.
Simone: You know exactly where the line is because compassion and niceness have nothing to do with each other. Compassion is caring, and niceness is trying to control their thoughts about you. Compassion is sometimes not nice, and niceness is not necessarily compassionate.
Questioner: Okay you are calling me out and that makes perfect sense! Fuck! I am indeed trying to control their thoughts about “sounding rude” if I don’t sugar coat something …
Simone: Now, second question. What is the difference between telling them about potentially unpleasant future possibilities from a place of trying to manipulate them into buying your thing, vs trying to magnify their awareness of what they already know so they can take the action they already know they want to take
Questioner: Honestly, I feel most of them “don’t have enough awareness” because they don’t get it from mainstream medicine. At the same time they need to know them ignoring and not working on it is only magnifying the prob. I am afraid that I might “instill” fear in them and create a placebo (especially ones who are silent readers or not clients yet) that they are doomed!
Simone: If I tell my kid, if he keeps eating candy every single day he’s going to get cavities and have to go to the dentist… is that instilling fear in him? Will that create a negative placebo?
Questioner: Well when you put it that way…NO!!!
Simone: Why is that different from the shitty pain point marketing thing?
Questioner: Because you are giving them the truth/reality down the road. But….please offer me a perspective: The kid stops eating candy because “he is afraid of his tooth getting damaged/falling out”, he is doing it because of the fear of consequences…and not from an empowered place so to speak..
Simone: Yeah we SHOULD have a healthy fear of future consequences. People SHOULD quit smoking because they might get cancer. We SHOULD have car insurance in case we have an accident. The difference is this: whether you’re telling people this because you genuinely want the best for them, versus trying to use the fear to push the sale
Questioner: It’s the former…but I am afraid of being perceived as 2. Voila! you took me back to the first conversation…
Simone: The point of alerting those two future consequences of their choices is to empower them to make a fully INFORMED choice.  if someone hears about the dangers of not having car insurance, and they still choose not to get it, that’s their choice. But once they fully connect with the healthy fear, they can buy insurance from me or someone else, but now, they’re not going to be caught off guard if their car gets totaled, and they can’t afford to deal with it.
And as to people having wrong perceptions about your intentions… welcome to life. That’s life always. People will misunderstand you no matter what. Even if you say absolutely nothing, people are still going to misunderstand you. So the choice is yours. Whether you’re going to act for courage, or act from your fear. Either way, you’re stuck on planet Earth, where other humans exist and they’re going to use their brain filter to think whatever they want.
Questioner: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Makes sense!!!!!!! The sale in fact is not the problem. I absolutely WANT them to make their choice. But all these questions pop up in terms of marketing and visibility.
If only I can have this drilled down my head … My conscious mind knows…but my unconscious gets sneaky and brings up the fear. This was all so helpful!!!! I so appreciate your brain and wisdom and time.
Simone: This is exactly why I’m offering Truth or Dare. You can know this intellectually or you can actually give yourself the structure and tools to make yourself uncomfortable and take the risks in a strategic way that aligns with your values and expands your capacity for courage.
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: Hi Simone. This is regarding your Truth & Dare post.
I went through some shift in my journey. I went silent, and it’s been a while since I put out my offer. I’m struggling to put one out as hesitation arises. I think I’m going for your dare challenge. Help!
Simone: What would be your desired goal if you could wave a magic wand and make it happen?
Questioner: Money, sales, aligned clients. WHY IS IT UNCOMFORTABLE TO ADMIT?
Simone: Ok, here’s your first dare: admit that you want money, sales, and aligned clients. Say it out loud. Because you’re good at what you do and can’t wait to make an impact.
Then tell people what you help with, and end with an invitation. No over-explaining, justifying, apologizing, or hedging. Just say it plainly and straightforwardly.
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: I absolutely loved this challenge and I’ve been pushing myself an inch every single day. The other day I shared something personal that was scary & I did expect it to be received well (it wasn’t). Also, by receiving well, I don’t mean no disagreement, but I feel unseen and invisible even when I present my raw self. It’s like preparing the most delicious meal and having none to appreciate the food!! (Does this smell like validation? And isn’t it human to seek one?)
Simone: Oh, it’s very normal and human to seek validation! Question: who is your sharing FOR?
Questioner: Ahh!!
Okay, so my sharing is for the ones who want to hear my story and feel the connection. I see this as peeling off my layers to help them see more of them in me.
Simone: Okay. If you want to share so that you can be heard and feel connection, we have to begin within. You have to hear yourself first, and feel the connection with yourself first. That’s actually the primary reason we write.
And once you hear yourself and feel connected to yourself, the possibility begins that others might, too. The minute we start making decisions about what to say and how to say it with “how will others respond” in mind, we begin to lose that congruence and freedom.
Does that make sense?
Questioner: It makes so much sense. All this time I have been feeling—no one’s interested or is reading what I’ve to say—but the truth is, I need to be interested in every story of mine without thinking how it will be perceived. Thank you so much, Simone.
Simone: Write for YOU. Write things that are so true and meaningful for YOU to get out, that even if no one else were to appreciate it, you feel like, “I’m glad this exists in the world.” Write for who you used to be and who you are becoming so that every post is a love letter from you to you. If anyone else likes it, it’s a bonus.
That doesn’t mean we become immune to craving validation. We never stop being human. But when the meaningfulness and joy of writing FOR YOU takes precedence, it will be so much easier to write… And your writing will get better, too.
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: Hi Simone! Thank you so much for creating T and D and your huge generosity in helping people work through any blocks too. It’s so helpful witnessing other people’s coaching!
I’m a self-aware hider and have gotten the email challenges—my block is that they all sound really good and I say, “Yeah, I totally should do them; I’m going to!” and then somehow I just… don’t. The day slips by and I think, “Okay, maybe tomorrow,” but in a surprise to no one, tomorrow never comes.
I’m struggling with how I could overcome this and actually just do it. Thanks in advance for any insight you’re able to share!!
Simone: You’re procrastinating for one reason: you don’t want to feel bad. Taking action involves being willing to feel bad. Doing brave things feels a little bad. You want to feel good. Asking me for advice feels good. Reading the emails feels good. At least, not bad.
Actually doing the thing feels bad. Be willing to feel bad.
Questioner: Oof, yes, this really cuts to the heart of it so precisely. Thank you so much for responding, I really appreciate it.
Do you have any suggestions for how to overcome the unwillingness of feeling bad? Logically, I know that hiding is giving me a fleeting sense of safety (the plight of the self-aware hider, I suppose), but I still get stuck in the gap between knowing and doing.
Or am I continuing to hide by even asking that question? And there are no tips besides just doing the damn thing? *shrieks in terror*
Simone: The last two sentences? Yes.
Questioner: Roger that!! Thank you so much
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: Hi Simone, I’m taking your Truth or Dare for sure. I’m dying of boredom in the sameness of marketing.
I have been a “coach” for 15 years, but even I hate to admit it. Everything about the coaching world makes my skin crawl. Telling people that they’re all perfect and have everything figured out is a lie.
I have a background in the art world for 20 years. It was a place where I had to face my money trauma—triggered by it every day. The topic of money is a big, vulnerable one in my life, so I want to talk about it.
I talked about how, in my culture, so many feel stuck and crippled by their families—mostly because their families threaten to leave them nothing after they pass away.
I was the black sheep in my family, and even though that sounds normal in the West, it took me years of courage not to conform to society and not take a cent from my family.
That’s how I broke out of the norm and freed myself. I no longer feel that my family has any say over me or my work. And I’m 39 already!!
I feel like I’ve been open about some discomforts in my life in my marketing—including my mom’s mental illness, which plays a huge role in my life—but still, crickets.
And I don’t want to tell people how much I’ve made to get eyeballs, either. In fact, I’ve lost a lot of money — which I also didn’t want to admit — but I’m happy to tell. I just don’t know if people would still want to listen to me if I tell them how much I’ve failed.
Simone: 1. Who do you WANT to talk to? 2. Why do you want to talk to them?
Questioner: 1. I want to talk to the person I used to be — a “good Asian girl” who people-pleased because that’s how she derived her sense of worth, shaped by societal, cultural, and familial pressures. 2. My biggest resentment from my upbringing comes from being told what to do (dimming my light) when I knew I had so much more to shine.
Part of that was that, as a “good” Asian girl, I was expected to behave in certain ways—never swear, always be filial and well-mannered, and eventually find a “good” husband to marry. Preferably wealthy and educated.
I just want to say fuck that, I was born a rebel.
Simone: Is that “Good Asian Girl” you used to be not gonna listen to you if you tell her how much you failed? What does she need from you?
Questioner: She needs to see my courage. My path to fighting against it. She wants to know she’s not alone. That she’s understood.
I don’t even know if my fear is failing?! I think my fear is in not having my shit together. I’m not “coherent” enough. I don’t have an elevator pitch. And I’m not sure what I can actually offer to get people to pay me for my messiness.
My process has been messy af. But somehow, I made it here in my life, and I know I have the courage to be vulnerable. I’m just confused… Gahahahhahaa.
Simone: Would the “Good Asian Girl” you used to be judge you for not having your shit together? Would she want you to be “coherent enough”?
What I’m asking is—whose perception are you worried about when you have these fears? Is it her, or is it someone else? Are you writing for her in all of this? Or are you trying to do something else?
Questioner: Yeah no. She probably wants to see all this mess and know it’s okay to show that—even though I’m messy af—hey, I’m living a good life now.
But this brings up another deep fear of mine: showing others how privileged I am.
Even though my family is now in huge debt, when I was young, my family was what many would call wealthy. I went to private schools and had many material privileges.
I live in Asia and have childcare, and yet I’m still so tired from taking care of my kids—which I’m so afraid to admit.
Simone: Again—who? Who is “others”?
Look, here’s your only confusion: Who you really care about is speaking to who you used to be—that girl. You know why you want to speak to her. You know why it’s important.
And the minute you try to talk to her, all these other people come into the room, and you start looking at them instead of at that girl.
Questioner: Someone else, for sure. I’m afraid I won’t just be speaking to her, so I’ll have to be more “inclusive.”
For example, I’m afraid to say I serve Asian women—even though that’s really who I am.
I know many people outside of this niche wouldn’t agree with what I’m saying, and I find myself feeling frustrated having to defend myself to people who don’t get it. I also get attacked for what I say.
Now that you’re making me see that I’ve been trying to be as diplomatic as I can on the internet… I’m afraid to speak to just my old self.
Simone: Okay. So here’s your only problem.
You actually have a ton of clarity about exactly what you want to do and why it matters.
You’re just trying to be everything for everyone else at the same time—all of these other people who have NOTHING to do with your business.
You have a binary choice.
- Do the business and show up for YOUR purpose, for YOUR person, for YOUR reasons.
- Or try to make everyone else happy.
There is no in-between.
Questioner: Yeah, and making everyone else happy is impossible, so it’s not the path for me.
Simone: Exactly!
Questioner: Okay, I’ll keep speaking to my old self, then.
BTW, is it normal to sound like a crazy person talking to myself?
Because that’s really how I feel… when I’m writing newsletters and content for Threads. I just feel like I’m talking to myself and creating content for myself, and it feels like I’m in a bit of a bubble. Maybe that’s because I haven’t built my community yet.
Simone: I want you to write this out clearly—with pen and paper:
Who is my work for?
Why does this matter?
What do they need from me?
And you need to develop the discipline to tune out absolutely everyone else. Because they LITERALLY have NOTHING to do with your business.
Also… Is it bad to be a crazy person?
Questioner: Oh no, I quite enjoy being one!! I’m an oddball, and I love that for myself.
Simone: There you go. And who’s your business for?
Questioner: Okay, I’ll write this out right now.
I’ve done this exercise many times, but somehow, I fantasized about my target market too much—whereas I think I should just speak to my old self.
That’s the most comfortable and “authentic” I can be.
I’ve always envisioned my people to be ambitious, well-traveled, well-educated Asian women who are independent and whatever. But really, I should just be speaking to my old self—who was ALL OF THAT on the surface, but deep down, she wanted to be a DJ, loved electronic music, knew she was a rebel, wanted to be unique, and just wanted the freedom to be ME.
And THAT is who I’m speaking to.
Simone: This is NOT a “target market” exercise. You are never talking to a “type of person.”
People are complex humans. They are not demographics. Seriously, fuck that kind of thinking. Scrub it out of your brain.
Talk to your weird, crazy, rebel old self.
Because her liberation is your liberation.
Questioner: Omg, thank GOD for this…
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
