Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: I have a menacing canker in my mind this morning…. when speaking my truth, why do I get so damn confrontational sounding?!?! Is that a thing?
I love work that gets into the grit and grunt of life and made it a belief that no one else is ready to do this work so they won’t buy from me. When I aim to express why they need to start going deeper, I end up getting confrontational with these people. It feels like I’m in a battle and wondering if there is another way to be in your face raw without yielding a sword all the time?
Maybe other folks in your T&D course or orbit feel the same?
Simone: Can you tell me what exactly is wrong with confrontational and wielding a sword?
Questioner:
I don’t want people who follow me or receive my emails to feel like I’m coming at them. I’d like to confront without my system feeling like it’s gotta battle. If that makes sense. For example, “some of you aren’t doing the work, and it shows.” Was part of my last email talking about the collective shadow work needed for these times.
Simone: Ok let’s work on this particular shadow! The thing is, the world needs confrontations and battles. The world needs rawness. These are not failures or flaws or weaknesses to be perfected. They are part of the human experience. Putting aside problem solving for a minute, getting philosophical with me for a second… can you think of the VALUE and VIRTUE of things like going into battle, wielding a sword, being raw? Why they belong?
Questioner: Yes, I can see where there would be viable need for it. They belong for preservation of life, to fight for something that you believe will create a better world for others to exist, in hopeful harmony.
Simone: That’s right. Can you connect to the parts of you that stand up for that and give them appreciation and love and honoring? Once you do that, look at what you want to say. It’ll come out different.
Questioner: This makes a lot of sense. I stepped away today from an email with this in mind and came back to it. I naturally put my classy hider hat back on, but I’m becoming more and more aware of my emotions in this process.
Endless gratitude for your magic in the world. Thank you!!!
Simone: Also – what if you WERE just abrasive and aggressive? So what? Isn’t that genuinely a part of who you are?
Questioner: Gahhhhh – it’s totally a part of me. I get spicy and passionate about certain topics… there’s some layers beneath it all that hold me back. And my phrase for 2025 is “fuck it” my plant ally Nasturtium… so it’s time for me to get fired up and share what’s coming through.
Simone: If someone doesn’t love you at your fieriest and spiciest, raw and throwing swords, they’re probably not the people who’d be the MOST delighted to pay you and be radically changed by your work.
Questioner: Truth!! I’m going to lean into this. Thank you!!
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: I sincerely ask, for myself and from myself, what even is the point of “putting it out there” if it’s just for me and I’m glad it exists? This is what I personally wrestle with.
It’s the “people want to hear your story” that perhaps doesn’t sit the way I would (or would I?) like it to, in me.
Why would we put in the time and effort and energy it takes to “put our thoughts out there” – IG / blogging / YT / a book or whatever – if it were just for ourselves?
That act in itself drains the life force out of me (that just came out, and is something I will sit with). The moment any focus is on “putting it out there”, my desire for it diminishes.
To do it for myself and for the pure joy of it, I love it, I do it, presently and in alive flow. No reason to do it other than the joy of doing it for the sake of life force moving through me and a complete surrender to that.
But the moment agenda is put to it by “hmmm, the world needs this, let me put it out there”… then it becomes something else. Something that feels forceful and out of alignment.
Not that I don’t believe I hold gifted beauty & genius ability to add wonder to this world that has never existed before, because I DO. But the “must put it out there, it’s needed” feels like it’s coming from a place and push and rush and… it’s hard to put into words.
IF I feel inspiration at a certain point to put something out there, that is different, and that flows good in me. But if it’s from a place of pushing myself to put it out there, it’s sticky.
Simone: This is… exactly what i’ve been doing and teaching forever. Whether others need it has nothing to do with me, and when that becomes a thing in my creative process, it no longer belongs to me.
The reason we put it out there is because, for some people — not all — it feels stifling and like a violation of our creative drive, almost, to just keep it to ourselves.
Creativity — again not for all but for many — demands to be expressed out loud, shared, to take up space in the world. if that feels like a “should” and not like liberation, that path is not for you. you should not be sharing
So even when you put it out there in the world for many to see, it’s ultimately not for them, either. It’s for liberating what your creative work wants to do in the world
Questioner: I see, and agree.
It’s evident to me how I’ve benefited from the public release of the creativity of others. How gorgeous, and how grateful I am.
Putting things “out there” has felt like a “should” more than it hasn’t, which explains my current resistance to putting anything out there. I can no longer exist in that force.
But there may also be a bit of “who really wants to see my work anyway, and what if nobody cares” (even though that doesn’t feel true in my body, could be other life / karmic), so I will sit in contemplation of this.
“It’s for liberating what your creative work wants to do in the world” – this moves me, because I begin to see my “creativity” as a being of its own, and feel a shift as I digest that.
Like: my creative work wants to do it’s “own thing / own work / own journey”, and I just ALLOW it through me by honoring it – more than anything.
Simone: YES YES YES! Now your work is to sift through which part of the reluctance to show up is honoring the true impulse of your creativity, and which part is smallness
Questioner: Thank you, beautiful Simone! I’ve always found the sand mandala process of Tibetan Monks to ring deeply true in the core of my being. It’s been the foundation of most of what I do.
To create for the pure present joy of it. Then to wipe it away with surrender and effortlessness.
They throw the rest of the sand into the nearest living stream to be swept into the ocean to bless the whole world.
Perhaps that is what the outward expression of our inner creativity is: sweeping our beautiful creations (ourselves in all facets and essence) “into the ocean”, to bless the whole world.
Dispersing of it in whichever way feels true.
Simone: That is so so beautiful!
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 7, 2025 |
Questioner: I’m a classy hider according to the quiz. I’m truthful to the point that I know my folks hate me for a while but know it comes from a place of care and love but this doesn’t extend to the space outside of my community! Would being truthful as in the 20 truths challenge – help with this?
Simone: If you don’t behave the same way you do inside your community out there in your marketing, how would the people who love it find you?
Questioner: Exactly! That’s what that line got me thinking. I don’t know what’s stopping me
Simone: “I don’t say these things in my content, because i don’t want people to ____” Fill this out 5 times
Questioner: Okay. I don’t say these things in my content because I don’t want people
To think I’m rude
To feel I’m inconsiderate
To think that I don’t feel their struggles are real
To think that I don’t regard what they are going through
To hate me
The last one struck a nerve!
I’ve had people hate me for a while when I say things they need to know but don’t want to hear.. But then I’ve had the buffer of being their coach in a space they chose to be a part of. How do I be okay with not having the same situation if I do sound rude? That would alienate people.. So it’s like people hating me without knowing the intent. That feels not good ….
Simone: Your paying clients probably hate you for a while when you say things they need to hear… because you performed a version of yourself that doesn’t do that in your marketing, so it was a shock to them when they suddenly got that version of you.
You didn’t alienate enough people in your marketing. And you didn’t draw in enough people who love you BECAUSE you tell them what they need to hear… all because you didn’t TRUST your audience
Questioner: I see how I’ve been trying to be that ‘nice girl’ all through…
Simone: Put very bluntly, you’ve been lying (by omission) in your marketing to bait people into joining your program who then get mad at you because what they got wasn’t what they were promised.
Either stand by your approach and trust the right people to get your intention behind your marketing and appreciate it and want to hire you for it, OR change your approach if it’s not something you can stand behind.
Everything else is a complicated dance of deception that’ll leave you hiding and your clients getting mad at you..
Questioner: Yes, there’s a gap between who I am as a coach and teacher vs who I am as a person running this biz
Simone: When you close that gap you’ll make more money and have happier clients. Deciding to trust yourself and trust your people is a choice.
Questioner: How can I start.. Or where do I start?
Simone: Start saying what you would say if you trusted the right people to “get you”, and were ok with everyone else leaving.
Questioner: Thank you Simone. This was really needed. I joined TD not knowing why, but knowing I wanted to do it. But I’ll start the truths challenge even before. I can’t wait to close this gap!
Claim your ticket to the one-and-only live round of Truth or Dare.
Take your “Which one of the 4 types of hiders am I?” quiz, and get your free customized Mini Truth or Dare Challenge.
This is part of a Q&A series regarding the Mini Truth or Dare Challenge. Read the rest:
What if I don’t know what my offer is?
Can you be fierce without alienating people?
How do I get vulnerable without getting unsolicited coaching?
Why is my honesty getting crickets?
How do I get started writing when in limbo?
Is creative expression a “must”?
“I’m okay with my clients hating me for a while, but not my audience!”
“I don’t want to sell too much, I want to be cool!”
Unfiltered truth vs. “pain point marketing”
I’ve been silent. Help, give me a dare!
I’m being vulnerable… so why am I invisible?
Why can’t I just do the damn thing?
Why would my target market listen if I’ve failed?
Mar 3, 2025 |
I played with A.I. a lot in the process of creating Truth or Dare. My first time doing this with a course.
I think it is enormously importantfor creators and teachers to practice radical transparency in the role of A.I. in their work. So here goes.
Because I am only beginning to discover A.I., a lot of this process is fresh ongoing learning for me. And I want to tell you exactly how I used A.I. to help me create Truth or Dare, and what I am learning in the process.
The first reason is that radical transparency around topics like this is everything to me. If one of my own teachers used A.I. to help create a course, and they hid this fact from me — intentionally or not — that would feel icky to me. My cardinal rule of marketing is, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” so I am giving you the honesty that I would want from my teachers.
The second reason is that I think having honest and nuanced discussions about the benefits and dangers of A.I. is the only way we can collectively find our way into responsible use.
A lot of this is a new exploration and ongoing learning for me, so there are no definitive expert answers here. Only a transparent sharing my process and my learning.
That is all we should ever be doing anyways.
So, here’s what I did, and am doing. I used ChatGPT and Claude (paid version), and treated them like an assistant who would help me organize my thoughts, generate ideas, and spit out drafts of what I wanted to create.
I’m pretty cocky about my own intellectual capacity and output. I think I have the best fucking ideas in the world.
So there was no way I was ever going to turn to A.I. for help generating ideas. And whatever ideas it did try to give me sucked. It was nice to confirm that even the best algorithm can’t think anything like I do.
However, where I did find A.I. very useful: helping my ADHD brain get started. For creative ADHD folks, I think sometimes the biggest barrier is that we have these incredible ideas in our heads… and the idea feels so big, the possibilities so infinite, that we kinda get paralyzed. (Raise your hand, ADHD posse….)
When I fed it my big, hairy, ambitious ideas, it spit back out to me simplified breakdowns, summaries, and drafts. This was truly amazing for no other reason than that it reminded my brain that the next step isn’t so complicated, and that I could do it.
Those breakdowns and summaries were rarely usable, but seeing them in front of my eyes closed the gap between the brilliant chaos of my mind and the next functional step. And ADHD folks know: the ability to take the next functional step is EVERYTHING. It is the difference between a finished project and procrastinating for 5 years and being depressed and ashamed.
This did not change my usual creative workflow, but it SHORTENED the time it takes for me get through it. This was, honestly, super fucking cool and something I will continue to experiment with.
Here’s another thing I found.
A.I. wants you to be more concise, have better “flow”, use what I think of as more “standard American” language, remove obscure references, substitute big words with simpler words, and edit your sense of humor to a more mainstream and less edgy one.
But that ain’t me. My natural style is that my thoughts jump from place to place, not always neat linear order. I write run-on sentences, use uncommon expressions and big words, curse a lot, and have a specific sense of humor that isn’t for everyone. (I love poop jokes and sex jokes, what can I say.)
If I allow AI to edit these “different” aspects out of my writing, it no longer sounds or feels like me. At all. And the transmission of the feeling of Simone… is the most important thing to me. Because without that feeling, there is no human-to-human connection. And without that human-to-human connection, there is…. nothing.
So, whatever A.I. wrote, I ended up having to do multiple extensive rounds of edits, adding back the “Simone-ness”, and rewriting sentences the way *I* would say it, and in the sequence and the style that I would say it… to the extent that, by the end, it looked nothing like the original A.I. output at all.
But still, in the end, even after hours and hours of editing and re-writing…. it STILL took me way less time than it normally does. Why?
Because… the “shitty first draft” helped to kick my ass into gear, and into writing mode. And normally I just spend a lot of time in frustrated paralysis.
Once again, I confirm: A.I. is most useful for helping my ADHD brain to get started.
Having a shitty draft in front of me makes me go: “This is wrong, that sounds stupid, ewww i would never do that… let’s get to work fixing this!”
Another pitfall of A.I. is that, since it is so good at spitting out templates and frameworks, it makes it tempting for creators and teachers to instantly produce templates and frameworks for their people.
I could see how easy it would be for people to pump these out ad infinitum, and to dangle these as “more value” for people… especially if they lack creative confidence.
And sometimes, it really can be. I love a good framework… in the right time and place.
But for my course to be an honest reflection of my intellectual ability, I had to ask myself: what is genuinely essential for my people’s transformation? What genuinely comes from my brain, my ethos, the Culture of Me?
What would I produce entirely on my own terms, without A.I.’s. help? And how would I do it?
Anything outside of that, it was clear to me, did not belong in my business. And it was good to come to clarity about this.
I will never, ever have an A.I.-generated template that I pass off as my own. If I point you to a template that did not directly come from my brain, I will tell you so explicitly.
And anyway, if A.I. is so good at creating templates and frameworks that genuinely help people…
… instead of creating them that way and passing them onto your people as if they are your own, you could just tell them which prompts to use to generate them themselves.
In summary:
(1) I’m enjoying using A.I. to help reduce my ADHD overwhelm, sort through the brilliant clutter of my mind, and make it easier for me to see and take the Next Functional Steps,
(2) This is verrrrry different from asking A.I. to do the thinking or the creating for you, and I think we should all be rigorous about not handing over our creative sovereignty to A.I. while still allowing it to help us where it’s effective, and
(3) You will always know exactly what part of my courses are ME, and what has been aided by A.I., and to exactly what extent. I think it is critical, and I think we should all our teachers and creators to the same standard.
Feb 21, 2025 |
I dare you to a challenge.
Count every time you’re profoundly misunderstood by someone due to your marketing.
Put a checkmark, put a sticker, whatever you can do to keep track.
Get up to 20, and I guarantee your marketing voice will be 20x stronger, and you’ll have attracted that many more of your right people.
Feb 21, 2025 |
It takes a certain set of skills to get a total stranger to stop the scroll and click on your link.
You need to learn that skill.
It takes an entirely different set of skills to get someone to say, “I don’t care if you’re selling a course called ‘Meditations on the Contents of My Wednesday Trash’, I’m buying it, because I know whatever you have is fucking gold.”
You need to learn that skill, too.
You need to be able to command immediate attention AND you need substance and depth that nourish long-term relationships.
Don’t let anyone talk you into giving up one for the other.
