Simone Seol

Here for humans who want to human more humanely.

@simone.grace.seol

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“Love and light” is cancelled

In our culture, it is so common to use LIGHT as a metaphor for all that is good, healthy, civilized, and virtuous.

And, conversely, DARKNESS as a metaphor for all that is bad, sick, uncivilized and sinister.

You may not be surprised to hear that associations not only have done enormous harm to people with melanated skin across the globe (by justifying racism)…

… but they have also created distortions in our relationships to our bodies and nature.

If you’re used to associating “light” with good…

Consider that: withholding darkness from people is literally a torture technique. Nonstop light, leading to sleep deprivation, is designed to break people down.

24/7 light would kill species and destroy ecosystems.

And while light in and of itself is natural (hello, the sun), light pollution — an unnatural excess of light — is doing enormous harm to humans and the ecosystem. 

Fetuses grow in the dark.

All life is nourished by dark soil.

Dreaming happens in the dark — as well as transcendant and liminal visions.

There’s a reason that so many artists, writers, spiritual leaders and visionaries are night owls. Darkness reveals what light obscures.

Now, I’d love to invite you to read some excerpts from an article I just found: 

“Should we avoid liturgical language of light and dark?” written by Steve Thorngate, for The Christian Century magazine.

(Be assured, this is enormously relevant even if you have nothing to do with Christanity.)

It said so many things so more eloquently that I could at this moment.

There is a long history in the church of using words like light, white, bright, and fair to connote goodness in a straightforward way and words like dark, black, shade, and dim to connote the opposite. 

Most instances of such usage were not written for explicitly racist purposes (though some were). Still, this language has thrived alongside racism in White-dominated church contexts. 

And language—especially ritual language, repeated again and again—has great power among those who speak or hear it, power not constrained by the intent of its creators.

The Bible is chock-full of light/dark imagery, with much (though not all) of it presenting light as the positive side of the coin. 

Jesus is the light of the world, the morning star, the one who obviates the need for lamp or sunlight, the one in whom there is no darkness at all. Forgiveness for sin washes us whiter than snow. 

And then, over on the other side of things, there’s the power of darkness. Why should the church avoid this language the biblical writers use so freely?

Yes, praise for the light is all over scripture… but the Bible says lots of things, and not all of them find their way into our liturgies. 

Christian views of scripture vary, and I know there are those who maintain that “Is this biblical?” is the main hurdle for any idea or phrase to clear. But I have yet to visit a church that follows this principle through to its logical conclusion, giving every jot and tittle a hearing on Sunday morning. 

So the mere existence of a light versus dark paradigm in the Bible hardly seems like the last word on its suitability for worship.

After all, the plain fact is that some biblical language can be hurtful to some people among us. It has been used to buttress concrete harm in the past, still is in some places, and even where it isn’t the words themselves can be a significant stumbling block. 

So while addressing this fact might not be simple or straightforward, we do need to address it. “Deal with it, it’s in the Bible” is inadequate; it fails to take the problem seriously.

So does this mean we should jettison the language of light and darkness entirely? I’m not sure it does. 

This language, after all, is more than biblical: it’s elemental. It names a fundamental experience of all living things. 

The earth’s days and seasons are defined by the planet’s relationship with the sun’s rays—their presence and absence, the distance they travel to reach us, and the angle at which they arrive. 

These cycles of darkness and light have shaped creatures, ecosystems, and communities across generations and continents, and the depth of this shared reality makes it a rich source for liturgical language.

Christian liturgy forms us in no small part by defining the passage of time in our lives. This means it is deeply invested in the role of darkness and light in the life of the planet we live on. 

The challenge I faced in my songwriting project was how to explore light/dark language with care, embracing its richness and depth—while also seeking to avoid the harm it can do. 

I’m considerably less certain that the particular guidelines I came up with are the best available. No doubt there’s much to quibble with and refine here. But here’s what I tried…

1) Consider the various senses in which positive language about light is used. Light can mean illumination, vision, transparency, openness, the revealing of secrets—ideas rooted in the physical function and utility of light. Explore these with care. Light can also connote color, complexion, innocence, and even cleanness—more immediately value-­laden ideas that can be dangerous, especially when paired with binary language like light/dark. Avoid these.

2) Be especially cautious about negative language for darkness. Yes, it’s logically implicit in positive language about light, and some will argue that there is thus no meaningful difference between the two. But I’m convinced that it also matters what we make explicit, what we say out loud and emphasize and repeat—a point that became clearer to me as I wrote things like song refrains and they echoed in my mind. It is possible to use positive light language—and again, some forms of it are more worthwhile than others—while also taking care not to actively disparage darkness.

3) Ask, in a given situation, if you need to use language about light and darkness at all. Is what you’re saying important to your larger purposes, or are you just trying to pad an illustration or fill out a metrical line? If it is important, is there another way to say it that works just as well? The sort of qualified embrace I’m advocating implies a need to make each usage count.

4) Don’t use black/white language to mean bad/good. Just don’t do it (even though it’s biblical). The racist interpretation is too immediate, too easy to infer. Find another way to say what you want to say.

5) Perhaps most importantly: say positive things about darkness. Fertile soil is dark. A dark sky without light pollution promotes healthy rest and, paradoxically, visibility. Secrets and mysteries aren’t always bad things; their illumination isn’t always good. 

What’s more, the biblical witness is not unanimously pro-light. 

In Exodus 20 God occupies a space of darkness, in Genesis 15 God arguably takes the form of darkness, and the psalmist praises the protection provided by God’s shadow. In recent years, Christians have begun to write liturgical texts on such themes. There’s even a new children’s book, God’s Holy Darkness… (“Creation began in the dark. . . . Creation is God’s work done in holy darkness.”) We need more of this in the church.

6) Embrace the fact that liturgical images exist in tension with one another. The goal is not a tidy, closed system of what light/dark language is allowed to mean. Our metaphors proliferate, overlap, and sometimes even conflict. This is OK. Here I take my cues from the expansive language movement around God and gender: we need to imagine our way to a longer and better list of ways to use light/dark language in worship, rather than restrict our way to a shorter and safer one.

I’ve found these guidelines useful, but they remain a work in progress.

You can read the full text of this article, if you google the words “light dark Thorngate.” It will be the top search result.

So much of this applies directly to larger Western culture, which is formed in such large part by Christianity.

If you work in coaching or healing arts, where these metaphors are commonly used, what is your takeaway from this?

Ways to rest (even if you can’t take time off)

Take a break from seeing yourself through others’ perceptions. 

For too many of us, we barely have a relationship with ourselves outside of the stories, identities, judgments and standards that others — and society at large — have imposed on us. 

Seriously, set apart some time — a week, a day, or even an hour — and tell yourself:

“For this time, I will BE instead of BE PERCEIVED. I will claim my freedom from the label, the descriptor, the box they tried to squeeze me into.”

Strike from problem-solving and “figuring it out”. 

Yes, I realize that, in order to exist, we have to solve problems and figure shit out. 

But believe me, neither your brain, nor your nervous system, nor your relationships, nor your business, nor your dreams benefit from being in default “problem-solving/figuring-it-out” mode 24/7. 

Take a week, a day, or even an hour — and tell yourself, “For this time, I unplug from problem-solving. I am not a problem, and my life is not a problem. I am a miracle and my life is a poem.”

How to choose between a million strategies

Tiktok or Youtube?

Hashtags or not? If so, which ones?

Webinars? Podcast? This sales strategy or that?

How to get ahead of the algorithm?

Help!!! 

Okay, I got you.

The internet is bombarding you with a seemingly infinite number of things that are promised to work. 

Here’s how to keep your sanity intact, and make good decision.

The thing to remember is that, every business strategy

  • works for SOMEONE…
  • … for some TIME.

Put another way, any given strategy may not work for EVERYONE, because every brain and nervous system is different… 

… and it may not work FOREVER, either because outside circumstances (like changes in algorithms/customer behavior trends/the popularity of platforms going up or down), or because it is unsustainable for YOU.

Consider that every single business strategy being sold to you… is being delivered to you VIA their business strategy.

Meaning, their #1 interest is getting YOU to buy their thing. 

While they’re telling you “I’ll help you get popularity/sales,” what they’re really after is their own popularity and sales. (This is not to say they’re evil and their products suck and they don’t care about you! They may be great, have substance and genuinely care about you. But just remember, every business selling business solutions… is driven by their own interest.)

Here’s what will SAVE YOUR BUTT (and $$$), but is rarely said.

At the end of the day, whether your business succeeds or not comes down to two factors:

(1) the quality of your relationships

and

(2) whether what you’re doing feels nourishing + interesting, and therefore sustainable, for you. 

(The quality and usefulness of your work is another giant factor, but let’s assume that is already in place.)

Let’s talk about each one.

(1) the quality of your relationships

This is the part that is tragically left out of so many conversations about marketing. 

Getting more views, engagement, sales… is NOT the same thing as as cultivating HIGH QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS

That is, when you have a true bond with people you give a damn about, who give a damn about you. 

The work it takes to get ONE mega fan — the person who will drink up your every word like it’s an ice-cold glass of water in a desert, comes to IG to specifically check if you’ve posted anything new, tells all their friends about you, buys from you again and again, and will freak the fuck out if your account disappeared one day…

… is in an entirely different galaxy than the work it takes to get 10 sales from anyone who’s willing to pay, or get 1000 new followers.

And the former is INFINITELY more useful for your bottom line.

Most business advice is geared toward:

1. helping you get as many eyes and ears as possible from “just whoever.” 

This is why those with 10’s of thousands of followers struggle to make a single sale. 

2. helping you squeeze out as many sales as possible from “just whoever”

This is why so many people find that, the minute they pivot their offers or business identity, all their people drop off and they have to start from scratch

In considering business strategy, ask yourself:

  • does this feel like treating people with the utmost honesty, respect, and high regard for who they are as human beings
  • is this putting forward a version of me that the greatest number of people will find attractive OR a version of me that will call out powerfully to the RIGHT person, and repel everyone else?
  • Is this close to how I would treat people in my real life that I like, respect, and want to have long-lasting relationships with? 

(2) whether what you’re doing feels nourishing + interesting, and therefore sustainable, for you.

Truth: business involves failing a LOT. Every single successful move is accompanied by 99 failures that came before. 

Resilience is how you turn failure into learning, as opposed to “stuck in defeat and shame”. 

And resilience is only possible when what you’re doing inherently feels nourishing and interesting to you.

When what you’re doing inherently feels nourishing and interesting to you, you are:

  • less attached to the outcome
  • more likely to bounce back from setbacks
  • more likely to enjoy the challenges
  • much more likely to keep going…
  • … which enables you to build a body of work that is worth gathering around.

Because so many people try to whiteknuckle it through activities that are DEPLETING and BORING to them, they quit fast, or just stay in the zone of flipflopping around with no growth.

You’ve heard the thing about workouts, right?

The only way to stick with it is if you find an activity that you actually ENJOY.

Exact same thing here.

A nuance here: this doesn’t mean there is zero discomfort. Let’s take the example of exercise.

If you’ve been a total couch potato and want to get moving, there is probably gonna be a phase where you’re trying different things and everything feels uncomfortable and awkward.

And even once you find something you like, there will be some pain as you learn how to get better at the thing.

And, even if you absolutely adore the thing, there will be “rainy days” when you just don’t feel like it.

So it’s not just eating strawberry shortcakes in a picnic every single day.

Nothing is that.

But identifying something that actually feels good, interesting and inherently rewarding for you to do, and focusing on that… 

… is how you get resilient. 

It is also how you build volume without quitting on yourself. 

So, how do you find something that you actually LIKE to do?

Focus on what comes easily to you. Zoom in on your natural strengths and inclinations.

If you’re a social butterfly, go to real life events, meet people, and tell them what you do. 

If you’re an inveterate writer (like me), write. 

And ignore all the hype about reels or whatever. It takes discipline to be committed to what is inherently interesting and rewarding for you, and ignore the world’s noise. It’s worth it. 

If you’re someone who loves structure and routine, don’t wing it. Plan everything.

If you’re a pisces queen with ADHD who thrives on just following your curiosity and intuition when you feel like it, DO THAT and fuck all the “you gotta plan” people. (Ahem, that is me).

If the idea of figuring out ads sounds deeply interesting to you, like inherently, do that.

If the same thing makes you vomity, ignore all the ad people and do your own thing. (I had made almost a $million before I ever ran my first ad. Ads aren’t magic. You are.)

I truly believe my podcast only became popular because I had zero attachment to how many people were listening. Making it was an inherently interesting challenge for myself.  

Same thing with how I kept up my hypnosis, tarot-reading, and life coaching businesses for years and years when… it all barely added up to even a part time income. 

Same thing with how I’m going now, as I emerge out of a months-long sabbatical and am deeply reconfiguring the foundations of my business, and there is zero guarantee that I’ll continue to be “successful” in the worldly sense.

Whatever isn’t inherently interesting and rewarding for you to do — that is to say, even if you got zero popularity or money from it, you would still do it for how fulfilled it makes you feel — YOU WILL QUIT ON.

If you don’t quit on it, you will burn out from it.

I promise you.

I speak standing before a ginormous graveyard of businesses that died because of this.

This is all a long winded way of just saying 3 things.

  • Focus on creating high quality relationships, not bigger numbers
  • treat people the way you’d treat folks in real life whom you like, respect, and hope to keep around for a long time

and

  • Do it in a way that works for you, and have the discipline to ignore everyone else.

If you really take this to heart, you will save yourself an enormous amount of heartache, energy drain, and money.

And put yourself on the track to the most sustainable business growth, and the highest flourishing of your creativity.

The world needs it.

I’m Simone Seol

I am here for humans who want to human more humanely.

Business / Cold PitchingCopywriting /  Decolonization Inspiration and Encouragement Mental Health / Money Personal Stuff Philosophical-ish Musings Sales Social Justice

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